Mistakes couples should not take lightly

Men, since you are the head of the home I will like to start with letting you know that some of the things you take lightly mean the world to your wife. The point is that many men often don’t mean to, but you may be making mistakes that risk ruining your relationship.

Here are some tips to prevent such. I am sure some may want to argue with me and get defensive, but before you do, please ask your wife.  Now, from my counselling sessions with couples, I have discovered these mistakes are not deliberate. However recognising these mistakes and making efforts to correct them could make a big difference to your relationship.

Everyone loves to be with their loved ones, this is most applicable to women. They love their men to be around them. The mistake most men make is their belief that a woman does not need a man the moment she starts having babies. The men most often ignore their wives. They believe the company of the children is enough or will compensate for the absence of the man.

This may be true to a certain extent, but men should bear in mind that their wives are not married to the children. A good number of African men end the marriage friendship as soon as the babies start coming. This is the stage the woman needs the man the most. Unfortunately, this is the time most men dump their wives and find pleasure in the company of friends and sexual pleasure in other ladies. When this happens, chances are she won’t be there by the time you start seeking her friendship or sexual needs. This is because she ha become accustomed to living her life without you, though both of you are living together. The moment you lose her friendship, an integral part of your relationship dies.

In the bedroom, many men can’t figure out that their wives often need more time to get turned on for sex. Making your wife feel loved and needed is basic for her to feel aroused and ready for rounds of sex. Turning a woman on begins well before the light goes down. Men generally perceive sex as a sufficient means of being close, of having a connection; but women want  a connection before sex, if not all the time.

To many men, sex is about going down there and coming out before the woman even starts to enjoy it. If you must get your wife to be on the same frequency with you, make her happy and excited having you around before you demand for sex.

A good number of men complain that their wives lose appetite for sex once they have start having children. Sometimes, negative attitude and a feel of rejection and hostility from the man cause such behavoiur. Always create a good atmosphere for sex. Look out for your wife’s sexual needs. Explore her body to find out her erogenous zones and how best she wants you to handle them. It is an adventure worth taking for the woman you love.

Another mistake that can wreck a marriage is when conflicts are not resolved quickly and wisely. Are you the type of man that runs into the arms of another woman at the slightest provocation from your wife? This makes you to compare the sexual prowess of your wife to that of the other woman.

When was the last time you looked into the eyeballs of your wife and sincerely appreciated something in and about her?  This remains the best foreplay since the world began. Sincere appreciation opens up all the sexual organs in women, making them ready to be ‘put into action’. Your wife’s ears yearn to hear ‘I love you’; every wife has an insatiable need to hear such words, and the result is eternal bonding.

Appreciation fans flames of love, oneness, intimacy and sex. To get the best out of your wife, you need to cherish her. This need is mostly overlooked by men, but that does not reduce its validity.  She needs to know she is number one in your life.

If it comes down to choosing between an evening with your buddies or a night with your wife, she needs to know you will choose her; not because you have to but because you need to. Consider how often you say ‘I love you’, she needs evidence that you are thinking about her during the day. A quick phone call to say she is on your mind can mean the world to her.

 To be continued next week.